Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
