What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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