i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.