That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
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the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
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Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP