I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail