I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
