I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.