2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands