member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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