I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
