i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
