imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have post one night stand depression
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