In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
