Three words: puerto rican gang bang
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
