Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
