Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
