cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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