So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
