how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
