i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
