i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
