My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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