hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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