Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
