I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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