wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
