You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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