Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
