somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
