You work out of a Hotel?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
