and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
