wrigley field is MILF paradise
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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