Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
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Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
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The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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