Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
