what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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