I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
