I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
