ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
