My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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