I accidentally had phone sex last night
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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