grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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