I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
