I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
