Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
