I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
