too bad you live with your parents still
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
