Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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