I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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