i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
