Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Even my vagina gasped.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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