And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
