I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
