Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
