my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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