So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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