Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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