The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
