I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hippo gnu deer
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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