to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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