I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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