Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
