Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
