Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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