I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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