my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
