Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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