I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
