We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize